Sweating Bullets

Then [Joseph] remembered his dreams about them and said to them, "You are spies! You have come to see where our land is unprotected. "No, my lord," they answered. "Your servants have come to buy food. We are all the sons of one man. Your servants are honest men, not spies." "No!" he said to them. "You have come to see where our land is unprotected. But they replied, "Your servants were twelve brothers, the sons of one man, who lives in the land of Canaan. The youngest is now with our father, and one is no more. Joseph said to them, "It is just as I told you: You are spies! And this is how you will be tested: As surely as Pharaoh lives, you will not leave this place unless your youngest brother comes here. Send one of your number to get your brother; the rest of you will be kept in prison, so that your words may be tested to see if you are telling the truth. If you are not, then as surely as Pharaoh lives, you are spies!" And he put them all in custody for three days. (Genesis 42:9-17)

Nothing seems sweeter than watching someone sweat. I’m not talking some athlete who is exhausted from his sport, but rather a con caught in his own fabricated lies. The more they talk the worse it gets. Loose lips sink ships, you know. Give enough rope and a fibber will hang or, at least, sweat bullets. Metaphors abound so mix at will.

This verbal sparring between Joseph and his brothers (who don’t know it’s him) is sweet and sweaty. It’s also funny. “You are spies!” Joseph accuses. It’s a comical moment for even James Bond wouldn’t camouflage himself as a poor, hungry nomad, let alone eleven poor, hungry nomads. You can’t make this stuff up. “No!” they plead, “we are your servants and honest guys, really.” Hmmmm. Servants? Honest? This is the same bunch that bound Joseph and tanked him for traveling slave traders.

But Joseph wasn’t through. He kept his line and again accused them of being spies bent on exposing Egyptian weakness. Now the eleven brothers start spilling their guts. “We’re twelve brothers!” (You can imagine here Joseph is checking their math). “We’re Canaanites.” “We have one brother at home and, well, the other one is dead.” (Might as well see if that lie will fly for a Pharaoh’s prince like it did for dear old dad). The sweat must have really been percolating now. The fact that a bunch of unsophisticated, dirty desert dogs procured access to the Vice President of Egypt was ironic. How much money could they have? Or power? Could Joseph had seen this one coming? Or saw them coming? You can bet your bottom dollar he dreamed of the day he might confront his brothers.

So Joseph ordered the brothers to enjoy a taste of his former life and put them in prison. He knew they were telling the truth, but justice is always sweet. Besides, the youngest brother named Benjamin wasn’t party to the family conspiracy and neither was his dad, so Joseph hatched a plan for a family reunion. He knew his father well. There’s no way he’d send Benny back to Egypt with a single brother. His dad would no doubt come, too.

Are there any life lessons in this story? Certainly what goes around comes around. You can’t live a lie forever. Sometimes it’s sweet to savor sweat. Honesty isn’t lip service. Blood is thicker than water. Be careful who you’re calling master. A hungry man is a dangerous man. Sometimes life dishes out justice all by itself.

It’s sweet when someone sweats bullets.

Especially if they’re blanks to begin with.

NOTABLE QUOTABLES ON JUSTICE:

Justice is a certain rectitude of mind whereby a man does what he ought to do in circumstances confronting him. (Saint Thomas Aquinas)

Reconciliation should be accompanied by justice, otherwise it will not last. While we all hope for peace it shouldn't be peace at any cost but peace based on principle, on justice. (Corazón Cojuangco Aquino)

Comedy is allied to justice. (Aristophenes)

The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in injustice and tragedy. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly. (Richard David Bach)

Father, it is indeed sweet to taste justice when it presents itself at my table. In my life, when my sustenance has often been bitter moments, salty experiences or sour tragedies, the rare sweet delight of justice is refreshingly welcome. Nevertheless, let my lips only taste justice that You have prepared for me. Justice is Yours alone, it is not mine to manufacture. Give me peace and patience to be strong regardless of the circumstances set before me. Amen.