Yesterday was a difficult day that marked an overall bad month in my search for employment. In the span of a half hour four different jobs I had pursued turned down my application, including two that were very hopeful situations. In the past few months, I’ve watched more than two dozen jobs slip through my fingers. The reasons are varied. I’m too old. I’m over-qualified. I’m not the right fit. I’m inexperienced. Some churches doubt this seasoned ministry professor could lead a congregation. They’d be surprised. It’s hard to find secular work because I’ve been a pastor for 25 years. You’re a nice guy, one place told me, but what do you know about managing people? They’d be surprised, too.In a month my final paycheck will be issued and I will formally join the unemployed. I’ve never had that experience (at least for too long). In fact, most jobs came calling on me. Now the phone is silent.
So why am I smiling? Why do I feel so content? The wheels have come off my career and I still sleep like a baby. Doors of opportunity slam in my face and yet I feel no sorrow. I am dogged by demons of self-doubt, rejection, bitterness and anger but no longer find any bite in their bark. Perhaps that’s why I take so much solace in the story of Joseph (Genesis 39-50) and I just couldn’t continue with his story without sharing some of mine.
All I know is this promise (that God continues to echo in my head): “I will never leave you or forsake you.” When the Israelites stood against pagan armies, trembling with fear, God promised strength and courage and never to leave them (Deuteronomy 31:5-9). When Joshua needed a shot of spiritual strength, God made a covenant of encouragement to never forsake him (Joshua 1:4-6). When Solomon dedicated the Temple, he summoned these words of peace and promise (I Kings 8:57) and when the Hebrew writer discouraged affluence and greed for a life of contentment he reminded them that God would never abandon them or overlook their need (Hebrews 13:4-6). When Joseph was hanging by a final thread, I suspect these words of comfort kept him taking one more breath.
My life (and its problems) are so small compared to armies and annihilation, persecution and poverty. God owns the cattle on a thousand hills so why worry about what’s for supper (I’m suspecting beef, right?). God’s eye is upon the sparrow and dresses the rose so why should I faint at the prospect of losing health and home?
Three weeks ago I could have listed all my losses, my failures and my fears, but today no mistake or mishap trumps my unwavering, unstoppable and undeniable hope that God will provide and protect me (and my family). I am no loser or failure. Three weeks ago, I still retained hints of a bitter spirit and anger about my predicaments. The past three jobs and decade of ministry have been deep in disappointment, discouragement and debt. But on this day I rejoice that every bill is paid (or being paid) and that I am relatively healthy and free. I have lost my “professor” position and my “director” title but I haven’t lost my integrity. If I never climb the summits of success that I enjoyed in the past, that’s fine as my heart is filled with mountaintop memories to last a lifetime. I’d rather possess character than fame or fortune. You can’t buy Peace of mind.
Above all, I have countless friends. It’s a wonderful life when you finally realize that friends are the greatest treasure.
I titled this essay as “slamming doors” and used Jeremiah 29:11 intentionally as this passage is one I often rely upon to get me through another day and another door closing. But today I looked at its wider context of the Babylonian captivity. For 70 years the Jews were disenfranchised from Jerusalem and that’s the heart of the promise. But don’t miss the conditions. This isn’t a promise without hook. The Jews would find God when they sought Him “with all their heart.” It took seven decades for God’s chosen people to finally figure that out. Thankfully, I’ve learned this lesson faster.
God also has plans for me (and for you) as His Chosen Children. I have a hope and a future (and so do you), IF I seek Him with all my heart. Consequently, I don’t pray for open doors but rather that God will close every door except the one He has especially prepared for me. A door slamming is only answered prayer. And that’s why I can smile in the storm. I have been humbled beyond measure this year. I have learned to let go, give up, slow down and find the Peace within. It no longer matters what people think of me (good or bad). I will no longer allow the past—my mistakes, poor choices or faults—to rule my present and determine my future. The truth is I have no tomorrow except what God graciously gives me. I choose to live in this moment as it’s the only moment I possess.
And that’s why I can smile. For this one moment, I am alive. I am whole. I am free. I am rich beyond measure, I am blessed beyond possibility and I have hope beyond imagination. I won’t let worry master my will or fears invade my habits.
God will never leave me nor forsake me (nor you). And if God is for us, who (or what) can possibly stand in our way except us? Whatever your disappointment this day, you’re still alive (whether you want to be or not). Whatever your loneliness, you still have friends (whether you know it or not). Whatever pain or problem, obstacle or opposition, disease or death that weighs heavy, you still can dance light on your feet (if you only choose).
For me, a door slammed only makes my heart beat stronger and my hope burn brighter for I know God is at work to make me better, not bitter; sturdy, not faint; and whole, not splintered.
Joy!
NOTABLE QUOTABLES ON JOY:
Do not judge men by mere appearances; for the light laughter that bubbles on the lip often mantles over the depths of sadness, and the serious look may be the sober veil that covers a divine peace and joy. (Edwin Chapman)
This is the true joy in life, the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; the being a force of Nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy. (George Bernard Shaw)
Joy is prayer - Joy is strength - Joy is love - Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls. (Mother Teresa)
Learning to live in the present moment is part of the path of joy. (Sarah Ban Breathnach)
"Work joyfully and peacefully, knowing that right thoughts and right efforts will inevitably bring about right results." (James Lane Allen)
Father, I am filled with Your Joy in this moment. Thank You for life, freedom and a sense of purpose. I am because You Are. I have nothing more to say except thank You. Amen.
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